August 2010
33 posts
i drank like 8 gallons of champagne last night
have yall ever woken up in the morning and felt really really hungover like “everything is right in this world”? that’s how i feel today. i feel like yesterday the world became a ‘better place’ or something. as though some sort of wrong had been ‘righted’. like when spiedi became ‘heidi’ and ‘spencer’ again. or like when hitler...
I'VE OFFICIALLY SOLD MORE RECORDS THAN HEIDI...
I’VE OFFICIALLY SOLD MORE RECORDS THAN HEIDI MONTAG!!!
HISTORY HAS JUST HAPPENED!!
I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!
Will write again tonight. For now I’m going to go pop open a bottle of champagne and toast to all of you.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!
WE'RE TIED WITH HEIDI!
ONE TO GO UNTIL WE WIN!!!
BUY LOVE!
for all yall 'visual thinkers' out there
just in case yall don’t understand the ‘gravity’ of the current ‘sitch’, here is an update via graphical analysis/bar chart. THAT’S HOW F**KING CLOSE WE ARE TO WINNING THIS THING!
as the day played out it seems we’ve ended up at 643. or 15 shy of a tie and 16 shy of winning ‘this bitch’!!!
feel good. the end is nigh yall!
help a bro out. buy...
"twenty is plenty"! 20 to go...
sold another record. we’re almost in the ‘teens’. some sweet ladies made “twenty is plenty” signs for me/’the cause’ and are holding them out on the freeway for all passersby to see. going to send them free records for this. they are mad sweet yall.
21 to go!
feel like i’m going to ‘live blog’/’live tumble’ this thing until it’s over. only 21 records left to beat heidi. 20 puts me at 258 + 1 puts me at 259.
unreal!!
to celebrate, here’s a picture of some random girl’s 21st birthday cake that weirdly has an ‘oscar’ statue on it. i don’t get this cake at all. can’t wait to have my...
almost there...
just 25 records to go people. ONLY TWENTY FIVE!
i sort of can’t even believe this happening. there was a time when i didn’t think i would pull this off and i would die lonely, shamed, without friends, family would disown me, people would laugh at me on the streets, throw fruits and vegetables at me, i would resort to heavy drug usage to try and ‘numb’ the embarassment/cope...
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rockafellahooker asked: I just LOVE yr page! Words of encouragement: You WILL defeat Heidi Montag. Th plastic surgeries and th editted voice wont really take her anywhere
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public service announcement
ya’ll, don’t tweet while driving. it seems the plastic surgeon bro who made heidi look 47 years old died while he was tweeting!
his ex-girlfriend told people magazine that “he was [tweeting] while driving and he accidentally went over the cliff.” feel really sad about this.
turns out he was tweeting about his adorable puppy, a border collie named ‘jill’. seriously...
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homeless bro / current standings
when i first started this blog i felt like a homeless bro with a laptop. chillin with my dog, sending emails, gchatting to other homeless bros and ordering booze on the interwebs with money i made from redeeming cans and bottles i found in other peoples trash.
but yall have been so welcoming that now i sort of feel like this cute little terrierbro. feels like everyone wants to cuddle with...
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yall i'm better than "a choir of houseflies"!
askmen.com tweeted to ~18,324 humans that [i am/the zax are] ‘better than a choir of houseflies’ sort of. feel like this is the ‘best review i’ll ever get’, like i can never do better than this. do yall think i’ll ever be able to top this ‘review’ of the zax? did askmen.com convince yall to buy love with their ‘spot on’ twitter review?...
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where my 'fans' at yall?
was noticing yesterday that i gots like 1,208 ‘fans’ on purevolume, feels like selling 658 records should be a breeze, right? don’t ‘fans’ buy records of ‘artists’ they are ‘fans of’? feel real confused right now yall. feel like i’ve been abandoned, discarded like an unwanted baby in a basket and placed on the front steps of the...
July 2010
48 posts
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that's what friends are for yall
so my friend laura and [now ex-‘friend’/some ‘random girl’ named dina] have a pretty hilarious podcast called ‘hey girl hey’.
anyway, they were being all awesome on a recent episode of their podcast, all talking about my blog and how i’m trying to sell all these records, ya know, about how i’m just trying to not make an ass of myself to the whole of...
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current 'standings': special update
i’m excited yall!! excited like heidi’s nipples heidi looks in this picture! doesn’t she just look so happy/joyful. i just wanna frolic in the sun and make sandcastles with her.
i seriously feel just like this picture does yall. like i could jump around on the beach in a pink bikini and pose/make an “O” face for some paparazzi to sell to magazines or something and...
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who do yall thinks sexier? heidi vs rion
after my ‘playboy’ post last week (see below) i decided over the weekend that since i couldn’t pose for playboy as my gimmick to ‘move units’ of my album like heidi could, that’d i’d have to resort to the ‘brian austin green’/’levi johnston’ level of ‘fame-whoring’ and pose for the cover of playgirl instead. so i did....
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playboy
did heidi actually ‘bare all’ for this? feels like a cheap marketing ploy to ‘move units’ (hey wait, do y’all think my website is like posing for playboy?). seriously doubt spencer pratt harry henderson would’ve let her show her ‘bits’ or something when they were ‘together’/’in love’.
reminds me of that episode of...
current 'standings': superficial vs. love
53% y’all!!
i partied last night to celebrate. felt like the right thing to do.
only 47%/315 albums until i’m officially ‘less pathetic’ than heidi montag. feel like this will be a ‘win’ for mankind. sort of feel like the whole world should celebrate a bro like me beating heidi montag by only spending $10 for a domain name.
feel like this is what america...
forgot to tell ya'll we broke the 50% mark!
will update the ‘graph’ via ‘somewhat pathetic goal’/’superficial vs. love’ later on.
buy love. i need to get this over with. seriously, if there are any rich people out there who want to buy 10-100 albums please email me will cut you a ‘sweet deal’.
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the black power ranger is my #1 fan
ya’ll remember that twitter hater from a few posts ago, right? remember how i said “wish i had a ‘superfan’ like jacob who would stick up for me to him like he is to me of [heidi]. ” remember when he said heidi’s album was “the perfect album,” and that my album “f&$%ing sucks”?
well, it seems like someone has stood up for me to face my...
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"Pretty Much Amazing" calls me "Awesomely...
Music blog “Pretty Much Amazing” tweets that my blog is “Awesomely Hilarious!”
As I wrote the title of this blog post I actually thought to myself, non-sarcastically, “Wow, that sentence is awesomely much hilarious” (seriously, re-read it). I feel as though I will never get the chance to write such a sentence for the rest of time. Thanks for the shoutout PMA,...
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pandoraspocks asked: if i pre-buy the album, i have to wait all the way until september to get it? i'm all for helping out, but i think you might have better luck if you offered a couple tracks digitally upon purchase of the album. just a thought. either way, i'm in.
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current 'standings': superficial vs. love
the two week anniversary was a success!! we’re at 45% of goal! we’ve broken 300! thanks to everyone who ‘celebrated’ with me. i love ya’ll.
seriously need to sell 28 records tomorrow to be at 50% or I WILL DIE. please buy one of them [if you like the music, want to beat heidi of course). i feel like i’m trapped in the neverending story with that creepy ass dog...
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am i the new 'pickle that got more fans than...
i woke up this morning (on the two week anniversary of my blog) and thought, “am i the new ‘pickle that got more fans than nickelback’?”
ya’ll remember that picklebro right?
anyway i was talking to some bros on some radio station in kansas yesterday and thought about ‘the pickle’. then it dawned on me that maybe i was the ‘new pickle’. like...
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current 'standings': superficial vs. love
had my best sales day to date. 37 lovely human beings purchased “LOVE” today. sort of just want to hug the world today, tell it i love it, tell everyone it’s the anniversary of my blog and that we should go have a romantic dinner while we comment ‘sweet nothings’ on each others blog posts.
this puts us at 39.5% of the [jesus this thing has taken two weeks too long]...
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was on the radio the other day on new...